A few months ago, I embarked on a fascinating adventure exploring the countries of Georgia, Armenia and Azerbaijan. During my travels I had the opportunity to experience several tour guides. I’ll highlight two here as they parallel how we show up as leaders. Both tours were full day outings of 10 hours, with 11 people on each tour. One in Georgia, traveling into Armenia for the day and the second visiting sights around Baku Azerbaijan.
The focus is not on the tours themselves, but on the level of connection created by the guides. My hope is that this will inspire you to consider how you’re engaging with your team and coworkers.
Visiting Armenia
The first tour was a full-day trip from Tbilisi, Georgia, into Armenia and then back to Tbilisi. It involved four border crossings and visits to several historic churches and sights. The guide, Maria, was energetic and engaging from the moment we arrived at the meeting point. She introduced herself and then invited each person to do the same and share why they were interested in visiting Armenia. This allowed us to learn a bit about the people we would be spending the day with.
Before our van departed, a sense of connection had been established between Maria and the group. We began to quickly trust her. Throughout the day, she regularly engaged with each person, often using our names and asking questions to draw us in closer to her and the places we visited. While sharing the history of Armenia, she maintained an open dialogue, answering our questions assuring us that no topics were off-limits.
By midday, we enjoyed a homemade lunch prepared by a lovely Armenian woman who served fresh dishes made with home-grown vegetables and herbs. By this time, the group had settled in comfortably with one another. Maria sat with us during lunch, explaining what the dishes were and how they were prepared. It was a lively shared experience filled with conversation and laughter.
The tour continued into the afternoon with two more border crossings—leaving Armenia and entering Georgia. During immigration delays, Maria prepared us in advance how to move through the process as efficiently as possible. The day was enjoyable, and Maria earned a well-deserved 5-star rating and many gratuities in appreciation of her service, organization, knowledge, and humor.
Touring Around Baku, Azerbaijan
A few days later I was in Azerbaijan and booked another full-day tour, which also included lunch. The guide, Reza, was proactive, communicating the exact pick-up time the evening before, as promised. On the day of the tour, once all eleven travelers were seated in the minibus, Reza introduced himself and asked who spoke English and who spoke Russian. He did not ask where anyone was from, so throughout the day it was a guessing game to figure out where each person originated.
When speaking, Reza expertly and succinctly shared the relevant information in English, asked if there were questions, and then repeated everything in Russian. After finishing, he turned back to the driver—whose name we never learned—and chatted with him. The tour stayed on schedule through the morning as we visited the world’s first mechanical oil well, a mosque, a national park, and then stopped for lunch at an empty restaurant.
He escorted us inside and left, without explaining what to expect. Questions surfaced: Is our guide eating with us? How long will we be here? What is the menu? Can we order beverages, or only water? Compared with the lively lunch a few days earlier, this felt more like a post-funeral gathering. Awkward smiles appeared whenever our eyes met.
When finished eating, we didn’t know whether dessert was included or when we were supposed to meet our guide. I texted him as the group stood on the curb outside the restaurant. A few minutes later, he appeared from another restaurant, said “Let’s go,” and ushered us into the minibus.
The tour continued and covered all the sights as advertised. When returning to Baku, he asked if it would be okay for the driver to drop him off at home early. We agreed, and he left us en route. That made the question of tipping an easy one to answer. There was nothing wrong with the tour—but not enough right with it either. It checked the boxes, yet didn’t feel good.
How We Show Up as Leaders
Maria and Reza were the leaders on these tours. One engaged and created connection; the other did not. Connection fosters conversation, the sharing of knowledge and ideas, laughter, learning, and loyalty. While both tours visited all the sites on their itineraries, the second tour offered little enjoyment. It was interesting, but not satisfying. There were also moments of confusion due to missing or incomplete information. Maria engaged in conversation throughout the day and was proactive. Reza engaged only when required and seemed more concerned about his agenda instead of ensuring we had an enjoyable experience.
Which tour leader would you prefer to spend the day with?
From these two examples, it should be easy to see how a leader’s level of engagement makes a significant difference in the experience.
A Substantial Difference in How We Felt
Maria created a sense of closeness, joy, relaxed connection, and displayed genuine interest by the questions she asked and how she listened to what we shared. She was willing to go deeper into a conversation and ask follow-up questions. Conversely, Reza’s lack of interest in the participants showed. If we asked a question, he answered it without inviting further discussion. He never asked about our home countries or views. Even with multiple harried border crossings Maria kept the mood upbeat and enjoyable. Reza’s aloofness created confusion and conveyed the feeling he was “ticking the boxes” to get the job done.
3 Quick Tips to Improve Engagement with Your Team
#1 Be Present
Focusing on the person, conversation or situation in front of us requires discipline to minimize distractions such as email, phone notifications, texts. It also requires that we manage the distractions in our mind to listen with full attention. When we are present it sends a powerful message of “you’re important and I care about what you’re saying”. Presence helps to build trust and safety.
#2 Ask don’t Tell
Questions draw us closer and show interest; statements often do the opposite. Questions can unite while statements tend to divide. If you listen twice as much as you speak, you’ll naturally ask more questions – and – hear the answers. Remember, we learn far more by listening than by speaking.
#3 Be Curious
Asking questions makes being curious easier. Take time to learn about your team members. Find out what they’re passionate about, whether they follow a favorite sport team, enjoy hiking or camping, love travel or have a preferred volunteer activity. Questions can help tease out what’s most meaningful to a person. The result is that you show that you care about them as people, not only as performers. This builds loyalty and trust.
Building Trust and Safety
One of my primary roles as a coach is to create a safe and trusting environment. This allows clients to share freely thereby increasing awareness and the development of new ideas and actions. Just as the two tour guides got the job done, one left a more memorable impression. Trust and satisfaction were also higher.
As a leader these tips will help you to fast track how quickly you build trust with your team. By focusing on being present, asking questions and being curious you will be able to connect more deeply. This will likely result in more collaboration and an exploration of creative ideas leading to improved morale, contribution, loyalty and performance.
About Scott
Scott Masciarelli, MCC, BCC is a certified global leadership coach and consultant. He is an expert in helping clients communicate with confidence and ease and lead with greater impact. His clients include multinational companies, SME, government and solo entrepreneurs. Scott’s signature work with Harmonic Leadership increases Leaders’ speed of their impact and transforms how they show up at work, in life and with their family. Scott is a contributing author to two books and serves clients globally from the metro Washington, DC area.
Contact Scott at Clear Insights Coaching to find out how you can lead with greater ease, impact and confidence at info@clearinsightscoaching.com